HAPPINESS! OR?

Again I am back!

If you guys asked me that the current happenings back home did not affect me? What can I say! It was and it is heart-wrenching moment and hoping for the best for my mother land..well Let me stop here and let's take a peep into my life.. my personal life.. aha..

Behind the Sun by Alexanda. Lovely song and frankly my first time listening to this singer. Not bad! But the best of all, this song is suitable as a theme song to this topic! So listen it while you continue reading and I think you would feel something at the end of the song and this topic! aha!

Let me back track and tell you something about myself for the benefits of new readers and for those who doesn't have enough time read my earlier posts!

Ya..I am a SINGLE living alone here in Singapore for more than a decade. And surviving of the brutal attacks from married friends for being single ha ha, but still subjected to well-wishers match making every now and then.

Still not enough! Now this "Lunch Actually", the Singapore Primere Dating Agency got wind of it and send me an invitation for exclusive, personal session!!!!!! woo...ha ha.. Feeling good being invited by a primere agency to see and have lunch with well-heeled and black-suited ladies.. on the other hand, make me really sit up and think! wow! I do not have the ability to date one myself or I am sub-standard guy that ladies give a past.. past.. and like the outdated, unattractive unsold merchandise leaving untouched on the shelf of the upmarket shopping centre. ha ha!

But joke aside! I felt so helpless though. How could they track me down to my address and that they are so sure of me being single! Huu..But it is interesting! I will go down and check out what is in the shop!
Ahem! let me put this across once and for all! Single ( not singles. coz I dare not speak for the whole lots of singles out there ha ha) does know how to love! Please do not ask again or say that ''Oh! I thought you don't know how to love!!!!!" I choose to be single (true up to this press time ha ha) not because I don't have love and that my heart is empty! May be it is even more than you guys with wife but still declared MBA ( married but available) and have extra-marital flings! ha ha..
You know, in fact, one reason I stay single is too much love and I fall in love too easily. And I am too sensitive in love. I get hurt easily! I love one for a little uniqueness. I don't need that someone to be wholesome. That one could be a complete stranger and a man on the street. A hooker, I happened to come across. Maybe she don't even know me and I won't know him for the rest of my life. But I just love them for what they are. (Of course I hate someone for no reason too ha ha.. for I am only human being).

I am sure at this point you guys are squeezing your brows and ready to tell me off that I am talking the different kind of love! no no... I am not! See my point! see beyond the love that I am talking about.
When I know someone or when I acknowledge myself that they are on my love lists.. they are going to get full attention and their interest is mine. When they cried.. my teardrops are for them. When they laugh I want to know why so and wanna share their happiness, their success or whatsoever that make them laugh! Not just acting! whole-heartedly and I want to be part of it!

And the heart of this topic " I get hurt" "Painful" Without realizing, I am what I am and they are what they are! I happened to render my heart, my supports, physically, emotionally without thinking if they really need that FROM ME! I do it without expecting return or the same treatment! What I need it just a nod or a smile and acknowledgement that they're aware of my present, my care. And just to tell me that I am no longer needed at their present! I hate the feeling and awkwardness that I have to stand alone in the middle of nowhere and worry they still need me! If I just hate to stand like this and left..and I would felt guilty that if they call out and I was not around!

I know a lot of you may feel that I am rattling off nonsense and unacceptable! But that is me and I know it is not in my best interest to feel so.

And these days! our poor younger generation are here in Singapore to look for jobs or working! Lots of them need coaching and mentoring! They lack many skills to be at the right place with the right benefits. Of course within my reach, only so much I can do. I see them through friends. I meet them through my this little blogs. I meet them through Internet chat rooms. It's tormented listening to them and share their woes. Share their personal plights and their woes!

But I go too deep more than it's necessary? Am I too emotional in coaching them? I share them my happiness to make them feel they are not alone? I want to cook them a decent meal that they might need? I bring them along in my gathering to broaden their networks? I even neglect my own welfare and put all my heart and soul to the best of their interest!

Along the way, I am putting up a smile but I am so tired. I am asking myself and I am sharing you that at the present moment I am very tired. I can only blame myself and status quo! No more guiding! No more mentoring and I am giving myself a break!

I know I cant love all and as I always know I should stay away from it. I should not be busy body and analyse the whole piece before jumping and thinking I am almighty and can bring love, peace, joy and success, happiness to everyone! Why I must make myself have a breakdown while I can enjoy my life!

Kind of lost? ya!But I will be back on my ass again and be myself and live happily ever after and stay tune to see more posts!